Love Is A Battlefield | Pat Benatar

How does it feel to be the most desirable pet on earth?

I am ok with it. As a rescue dog, you know, I have a past but that’s behind me and it’s all about the future…and my next meal.

What is the funniest thing you have ever done?

Look, my past is something I don’t talk about, I thought my agent told you that?! All I will say is some mad stuff went down at the pound, but you know, I was young and experimenting was the go, you know? You might be able to read about it in my autobiography one day, if the lawyers don’t take the good stuff out.

What is the naughtiest thing you have ever done?

Yeah, again, aside from some sneaky poos in Penny’s office, most of my naughty stuff is secret. Oh, I did rip the crotch out of Penny’s brand new pair of tracky dacks cos she went away for a week. She hasn’t done that again since…

Who is your favourite family member and why?

Penny! Definitely Penny … she makes sure I get my daily exercise keeping my waistline in check, always lets me have a morning snuggle in the big bed PLUS she has this amazing ability to source food … how does she do that? I never see her hunting it or sniffing it out. She hasn’t even licked the floorboards as far as I know.

If you could be granted three wishes, what they be?

To live with the love of my life Chilli. She is a kelpie and i have a thing for working dogs. Also I would wish for an endless supply of floor snacks and my own couch.

Who or what inspires you?

Beth Ditto – cos she is strong and loud and takes no @!$*. And Wil E Coyote cos he chases the Roadrunner in the same way I chase the Ibis. And he never gives up, despite the terrible products the ACME company provide him. I hope he keeps the warranties. One day I will catch you Ibis! One day…

If you won lotto, how would you spend the money?

Oh man I would buy all of the squeaky chickens in the world, and destroy the squeak! then I would stock my kennel with all of the snacks and a few more just to be safe. So much jerky and pigs ears…. mmmmmmmm….. and i would choose my own coat.

What did you last dream about?

It was a beautiful Spring afternoon. The light was beautiful, the air was fragrant and I was running with my gal Chilli through fields, jumping over streams in perfect unison, chasing bin chickens and having a great time … when all of a sudden we were surrounded by an army of yellow squeaky chickens. Then they attacked but Chilli got up in their faces and I skillfully removed their squeaky bits. The chickens freaked out at our awesome tag team work and left. We then went home and had the biggest meal of mince meat ever and cuddled up on the couch.

What do you think your human family members dream about?

Probably boring stuff. Humans are weird. They can eat whenever they want but don’t! Seriously?!

If you were to write a reference for your human parents what would it say?

It would say something about how I like them a lot and how they provide food and take me for walks and car drives and how they bought me a sweet kennel and give me pats and cuddles and snuggles on the couch and they leave me inside if they go out at night and leave the radio of for company, Lucky I like Double J as well. We all love 90s Australian rock. Dogs are the best people after all.

What would your autobiography be called?

Floorboard Licking – My Life Living on Floor Scraps (and other things)

You’ve just won a Grammy Award. What would you say in your ‘Thank You’ speech?:

Wow, what an honour, just last year I didn’t know what music was and now here I am. So first I want to thank Chilli of course, my love, always and forever and my humans cos they are alright as well. I want to thank my sponsors, the makers of Barf dog food and whoever invented them squeaky chickens. The best. And to my band – Teenage Ibis Fury – thanks dudes for always bringing the rock and allowing me to create our monster smash hit album Smells Like Bin Chicken and being so much fun on the tour bus – 110 on the freeway, heads out of windows, drool everywhere, so many butts sniffed…good times. Thank dog none of us can use a camera or a smartphone… But this Grammy is really for my fans, their butts and of course for my inspiration – the humble Ibis. I will catch one of you one day.

Where is your favourite place to sleep?:

My human brother’s bed. I like to think it’s our bed actually.

What’s your favourite thing to do when the rest of the family is asleep?:

Look for food. You just don’t know if someone has dropped some on the floor. At 3am. It could happen.

You’re home alone. What’s the first thing you do?

Jump on my parent’s bed cos the tall, hairy human hates it.

What did you think of your Tame & Wild Studio experience? :

It was ACE … but I did know you were holding out on the good snacks till the end.

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