AN INTERVIEW WITH maximus 'cuddlebum' tornow
“Take the world in a muzzle embrace. Gnash all of your fangs at once And explode into my space"
Born to be Wild | Steppenwolf
How does it feel to be the most desirable pet on earth?
Stressful - i have to work hard to keep my fans at a distance. Everyone tells me how handsome I am and then they crowd me - I don't like being crowded
What is the funniest thing you have ever done?
Doggy doughnuts - when I get really excited at the dog park, I can't help it, I just run in circles by myself, around nothing. It's awesome and always gets a laugh from my humans
What is the naughtiest thing you have ever done?
As a puppy I would chew Mummy's shoes, but only the left one from each pair. New shoes tasted the best!!
If you could be anything or anyone in the world who or what would that be and why?
Kim Jong-un - because I like to show my power (via my beautiful teeth) but rarely follow through. The occasional missile is fired to make my enemies tremble!
Who is your favourite family member and why?
Fran - because she's not part of my mad family (and she fed me on sweet tea and biscuits when I fell down a flight of stairs when I was a young lad).
If you could be granted three wishes, what they be?
1. Get rid of Moccha
2. Get rid of the children
3. Have Fran move in
Who or what inspires you?
Stephen King - Cujo is a classic!
If you won lotto, how would you spend the money?
See three wishes answered previously (and FOOOOOOD!)
What did you last dream about?
My German girlfriend Roxy ( a stunning tan Dachsund x Aus Silky Terrier) - covered in food!
What do you think your human family members dream about?
Me losing my inner cat. They seem to believe that my carefully cultivated air of aloofness is not particularly dog like. They would rather I fawned all over everyone and was sickeningly nice like my soppy sister.
If you were to write a reference for your human parents what would it say?
When they are around, they are pretty good. I don't know what they do with my poo - I think that they harvest it - it all seems a little odd. They are a good family but need to pay me more attention and take me for more walks and give me more food.
What would your autobiography be called?
Max. Max by Name, Max by Nature
You've just won a Grammy Award. What would you say in your 'Thank You' speech?
I want to thank my humans, Roxy, the love of my life, Fran for being my inspiration, and caring for Roxy. I am told I can be difficult to work with, and I am not sure where that atti-chewed comes from. As long as you feed me, I am an angel! I will do anything for an almond or pistachio and the sooner they get the rider right, the sooner we can continue to make great music together.
Where is your favourite place to sleep?
In the Sun - i follow it around all day! At night it is with the last human out of bed, and then in bed with them!
What's your favourite thing to do when the rest of the family is asleep?
I'm usually asleep before them, dreaming of running!
You're home alone. What's the first thing you do?
Check every corner. When I have checked every inch inside to make sure there are no new smells, and exploring any there are, i carefully monitor the windows to keep an eye on any impending threats. If anything looks even vaguely threatening, I bark my head off!!! It is so much fun to chase them away!
You're a celebrity musician. What's the name of your next hit single?
"Chew me, chew you", or "Come just a little bit closer", or "The first bite is the deepest" .... hmmm, obviously need to ponder that one a bit more.
What do we have to do so that you stop being so aggressive to guests?
I'm not aggressive to Fran. Just invite Fran over more often and no one else.
What did you think of your Tame & Wild Studio experience?
It was so much fun. Peter and I really connected. He understood that when I am having a good old bark I am really playing. He gave me so many treats, and then thankfully mum told him about me and nuts. I love nuts! I chew them in my back teeth and expose my glorious fangs! Peter loves my fangs - my fangs love the camera! My star qualities shone through - and Moccha, who is usually the popular one, was sidelined. I felt like a king!